As the old saying goes, no man is an island. People cannot live without having to interact with another human. Having a relationship is one important need of a human being that needs to be satisfied; a relationship which includes two people getting attracted to each other in a romantic way. This also includes sex in the process. Fairytales, romantic series and movies, romance pocketbooks, magazines, they tend to contribute towards people’s conception of relationship and sex. Well, a little idealistic really.
To those who believe in the perfection of this made-up ideas and epitome of relationships, I hate to break it, but they’re a little ironic. As people get hooked up with the idea of a seamless romantic bond, their own relationship, in reality, is getting messed up.
Social psychologists at the University of Toronto tried to answer the question, “what makes a happy sex life?” They have observed the sex lives of 1900 individuals which include heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
The study found that the individuals with contentment in their relationship have fewer ideas about a perfect sex life or a perfect partner. Their satisfying bond with their partner centers on the idea of solving problems that may arise between them. Lower expectations from each other are also present among people with long-term relationships.
Jessica Maxwell, a Ph.D. candidate in the Department of Psychology said that disagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat over time and that sex life is a garden that needs to be watered, nurtured and maintained. She further explained that people who romanticized the ideas of a perfect soulmate promote the idea that when something in a relationship is not doing well, it should immediately end; When in fact it should be solved to work out. The first two years of sex life is like an everyday honeymoon.
The next years will be a struggle to maintain its fire. She added that people who believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole. Whereas people who believe in sexual growth not only believe they can work on their sexual problems, but they are not letting it affect their relationship satisfaction.
Relationship and sex are interconnected, but they are two different things.